Emotional Crippling 1.0
Now I only have one essay left to write, if you guys give a fiery rat's ass. Yay for me.
Let me say that I hate this class, British/American Lit until 1800, with the throbbing passion of a thousand hulking quasars. If hate were people, I'd be China. My professor looks like Eyore, from Winnie the Pooh, only instead of a sulking donkey he's an insufferable jackass. This is the second time I've had to revise one of these stupid reports. It's a report on a word that was different when the author wrote it than it is now. It's pretty much a glorified book report. So why am I staying up until four in the morning working on it, sending my ulcer into cataclysmic waves of agony? (Though I'm not sure I have an ulcer, what the hell. It works on a narrative level, I think.)
Because in this class, you either get an A, or you fail. No middle ground. No real clear standards at all, actually, except for the whole A/F dichotomy. And the bastard has an attendance policy. "Yes, college is like the real world, in the Job Market you can't just skip your responsibilities." Well, we have to learn that on our own, don't we? And it's not like you're paying me a goddamn cent to show up here. I'm paying you, and in return, I get to do whatever the hell I want with my time, so long as it doesn't involve a crystal meth lab in my bathroom or freaking organ marketing on eBay.
The killer part of it is, we have to cite information from the database Literature Online. Let me say this, too. Have you ever picked up, I don't know, what's comparable... the Physician's Desk Reference and looked for the word "hip"? Just to see if it was ever used in different contexts? Oh, yeah, and this edition of the PDR has collected six hundred years' worth of materials. And the shit people write about this material. That's about how I feel trying to search LION's database for the word "philosopher." I got something like 300,000 hits alone when I narrowed it to articles about "philosopher" AND chaucer. When Boolean logic still gets you ass-raped, you know the assignment is better left unassigned.
Further, it's not like anyone outside of ENG-21 will have ever written a damn report about a word that has changed slightly. What am I going to find to cite? A section of LION about shitty college assignments that really should have been given to high schoolers with literacy problems? Let me just check the tabs at the top of the site OH WAIT it's not there. Well.
If you feel something digging into you from the cushion of your seat, it's just phantom ass-rape pains from me. The assignment is so ludicrous (and intellectually sodomizing me so violently) that you'll be feeling it soon. Like a steamy, messy, hot, human-booster-shot of busywork into your frontal lobes. Dripping busywork.
On a side note, the caramel coffee I bought at Publix is fantastic.
Let me say that I hate this class, British/American Lit until 1800, with the throbbing passion of a thousand hulking quasars. If hate were people, I'd be China. My professor looks like Eyore, from Winnie the Pooh, only instead of a sulking donkey he's an insufferable jackass. This is the second time I've had to revise one of these stupid reports. It's a report on a word that was different when the author wrote it than it is now. It's pretty much a glorified book report. So why am I staying up until four in the morning working on it, sending my ulcer into cataclysmic waves of agony? (Though I'm not sure I have an ulcer, what the hell. It works on a narrative level, I think.)
Because in this class, you either get an A, or you fail. No middle ground. No real clear standards at all, actually, except for the whole A/F dichotomy. And the bastard has an attendance policy. "Yes, college is like the real world, in the Job Market you can't just skip your responsibilities." Well, we have to learn that on our own, don't we? And it's not like you're paying me a goddamn cent to show up here. I'm paying you, and in return, I get to do whatever the hell I want with my time, so long as it doesn't involve a crystal meth lab in my bathroom or freaking organ marketing on eBay.
The killer part of it is, we have to cite information from the database Literature Online. Let me say this, too. Have you ever picked up, I don't know, what's comparable... the Physician's Desk Reference and looked for the word "hip"? Just to see if it was ever used in different contexts? Oh, yeah, and this edition of the PDR has collected six hundred years' worth of materials. And the shit people write about this material. That's about how I feel trying to search LION's database for the word "philosopher." I got something like 300,000 hits alone when I narrowed it to articles about "philosopher" AND chaucer. When Boolean logic still gets you ass-raped, you know the assignment is better left unassigned.
Further, it's not like anyone outside of ENG-21 will have ever written a damn report about a word that has changed slightly. What am I going to find to cite? A section of LION about shitty college assignments that really should have been given to high schoolers with literacy problems? Let me just check the tabs at the top of the site OH WAIT it's not there. Well.
If you feel something digging into you from the cushion of your seat, it's just phantom ass-rape pains from me. The assignment is so ludicrous (and intellectually sodomizing me so violently) that you'll be feeling it soon. Like a steamy, messy, hot, human-booster-shot of busywork into your frontal lobes. Dripping busywork.
On a side note, the caramel coffee I bought at Publix is fantastic.
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