Recommend me, please!

Why is it so hard to ask for recommendation letters from professors? I think I'm just terrified of rejection, and that these people whose opinions I respect will find me unsuitable for what I want to do. And I'm afraid of sounding stupid. I'm confident that the people who don't know what I'm talking about won't realize how stupid I am, but the people who know what I'm talking about will know that I'm really just stupid. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Ahh, the insecurities of applying to graduate school. The biggest problem is that I'm supposed to prove how suitable I am for the program I want to apply to, and I'm not entirely sure that I am. Thus the dilemma of insecurity. Sometimes I think I'm ready, I'm prepared, I can do it. Then I think that no, I'm really not.

It's a bit disconcerting to realize that something you've wanted to do for your whole life, since you were a child, something that has never seemed for some reason like it was within the realm of possibility, something you never even realized was exactly what you wanted from your life--that something, that desire has somehow suddenly become attainable. It's also terrifying to realize that a random committee of people I don't know might for some reason I'll never be told decide that I can't live my dream.

Trying to make vague thoughts and insecurities concrete here. I'm not sure it's working, but then again, I'm not sure we have more than two readers here at Mountains of Kaf, so I guess it's ok if I make no sense occasionally.

I'm not sure I like being an adult.